Moving and Your Family

Moving is a major life change. It is an event filled with a variety of emotions. A move of choice may be viewed as a positive opportunity associated with feelings of excitement and anticipation. In contrast, a move without choice may be associated with feelings of fear, anxiety, and turmoil. Each family member may experience different emotions at different times. However, if relocation is approached with a optimistic attitude, it can promote family growth and involvement.

The couple relationship forms the foundation for a healthy family. The strength of this foundation is the key to family stability. During times of relocation children benefit from the security of their parents' love and support.

Suggestions for helping couples through the relocation process

• Focus on yourself. If you take care of your physical and emotional needs, you will be better prepared to help your family.
• Express and share your feelings, emotions, and expectations with your spouse.
• Recognize that your family may experience a sense of loss as a result of a move. It takes time to work through this loss.
• After the move, become involved in familiar activities.
• Maintain contacts with friends and relatives.
• Schedule time alone as a couple.

Suggestions for helping children through the relocation process

• Encourage children to express their emotions. Accept their feelings and respond with understanding. By expressing your own feelings in healthy ways, children will recognize that they are not alone in their feelings.
• Encourage children to create a scrapbook of their former community, school, home, and friends. Allow children to maintain contact with former friends as long as necessary (telephone, mail, postcards, photographs).
• Involve children in some of the decision-making. Keep options within your range of acceptability while giving your child a sense of participation. Be prepared to honor their decisions.
• If possible, include children in house-hunting trips. Let them visit their new home and neighborhood prior to the move.
• Read stories about moving to younger children. Provide books for older children.
• While packing for the move, respect your child's need to keep some items before you throw them away. These items may represent security to your child.
• Host a farewell party for the children. Plan a theme with party favors which represent their new community (landmarks, state flower, sport team, etc.). Create activites that focus on moving, for instance, "Pin the House on the State." Invent a new form of transporation, and/or draw and decorate the child's new bedroom.
• If possible, visit the school your children will attend prior to the move. Purchase small items or t-shirts with the school's logo. Find out if the school has programs for new students. Allow your child to have a voice in the decision to participate in these programs.
• Schedule time for family fun and exploration of the new community during your visit or soom after you move. Seth has great ideas for family fun!
• On moving day, keep some special items (favorite doll, blanket, etc.) with you for ready access.
• When arranging your new home, organize the children's room first. Place household items in familiar places as much as possible.
• Resume normal family routines as soon as possible (bedtime, chores, discipline, traditions). Children benefit from a sense of security, structure, and predictability.
• Encourage opportunities for making new friends through neighborhood, school, church, and familiar extracurricular activities.
• Children need time to adjust. Do not become overconcerned about signs of regression to earlier developmental stages or to early reactions to moving. In general, it takes children at least six months to adjust to a move. However, be alert to signs of depression (mood swings, despair, changes in sleeping and eating). Contact your school counselor and other mental health professionals for assistance.

Suggested reading for parents

• "Helping Children Cope with Separation and Loss" by Claudia L. Jewett
• "Helping Your Child Handle Stress" by Katherine Kersey
• "Helping Your Teenager Deal with Stress" by Bettie B. Youngs
• "Stress and the Healthy Family" by Dolores Curran
• "Stress and Your Child" by Ruth P. Arent
• "The Teenager's Survival Guide to Moving" by Patricia Cooney Nida & Wendy M. Heller

Suggested reading for children

• "Moving Day" by Stan & Jan Berenstain
• "Moving Day" by Tobi Tobias
• "Pip Moves Away" by Myra Brown
• "Will I Have a Friend" by Miriam Cohen